Monday, July 18, 2011

You'll Die!

Recently, I overheard a lady on a cellphone telling someone, "No, don't use Splenda! It causes Alzheimer's Disease."

Sure it does, and breathing air apparently (in your case, lady) gives a person a mega-case of the screaming yellow stupids. You're the living proof.

A few years ago it was Equal. A few decades ago it was saccharine, which absolutely positively caused cancer in millions of people ... oops ... they were wrong. Remember cyclamates? Cyclamates ... we're all going to die!

Coffee's good for you. Coffee's bad for you.

Red wine makes you live longer. Red wine kills you.

Water becomes a magical medicine because it "remembers" having some poison or chemical in it, even after it has been diluted down to the equivalent of a thimble-full of that chemical dumped onto the Pacific (homeopathy ... don't get me started.)

Where on Earth do so many people get so many ignorant urban legends and false "scientific" information? The Internet, of course; or, their best friend's aunt's boyfriend's boss. Therefore, it HAS to be true.

News Flash, sheeple: Just because YOU or your buddy reads something, it probably means that it is NOT true if it's on the Internet as a "new scientific discovery" or the latest easy way to do something hard. It is highly UN-likely that you would be reading or hearing about anything which has been newly scientifically proven because those results are only published in peer reviewed professional journals -- and you don't subscribe to any of those, do you, Big Dog.

Even worse, Stud Master, is if you hear something startling or controversial reported by broadcast news. Broadcast "journalists" have degenerated from the likes of Murrow and Cronkite to a collection of some of the most shockingly ignorant buffoons ever to grace any "profession." Nowadays, their only purpose is to look pretty/handsome, act like they're your best friend and confidant while they read fluffy, entertaining dreck, written by some 1st year J-school intern who is barely literate.

Finally, P-L-E-A-S-E stop forwarding emails to me about dangers and discoveries or for that matter, any damn thing -- especially if it's about Obama or politics or ...

Oh. Wait. I'm saving that for another screed.

1 comment:

DestroMaestro said...

May the puddin' stirrers of America unite...and jump off a Cliff...especially if he's a considerably tall Cliff.