Friday, April 18, 2008

Pudding Heads

While my kids were growing up, I tried to not use language that was too overtly mean, towards other people. (Reading this, they'll all be laughing. They know that as I grew older, I got weaker and weaker in my resolve and some pretty colorful language issued forth from my yap.)

But back when I was a bit under control, in the kid's presence, I called people of questionable smarts "Pudding Heads."

After awhile, I thought that I needed to assign degrees of Pudding Headed-ness, so thus began the classification of "Stirs".

While making a stirring motion over my head, as if I were swishing my brains with a long wooden spoon, I'd say, "Now, there's a 3-stir Pudding Head." They'd laugh. I was then incited to expand on my "comedy" success.

Soon, it got to the point that they all responded to me simply, wordlessly, making the stirring motion. Or, without any motion at all, I'd say, "Two stir!" They'd all know what I meant.

As they grew into adults and we'd be together, I'd get a real laugh watching one of them evaluating a particularly bone-head move on the part of someone by saying, "Dad ... a 3-stir."

Pretty much, we used this code:

1 stir -- not the brightest bulb but amusing to watch.

2 stir -- a demonstrably dumb individual.

3 stir -- award winning stupid.

Then, you might as well take the leap. If you're beyond "award winning stupid," we jump directly to ...

7 stir -- ignorant, stupid, dumb? ... nah, they're beyond description. Why are they breathing my air?

Stay tuned. I'll soon be ranting about some of my favorite people (Houston drivers) and awarding Stir-Stars to their various performances.


Anonymous said...

Even after having lived in southern California for 20 years, I must concur that Houston drivers deserve their own very special category of stirage. On another note, my personal favorite of the many creative profanity substitutes you employed as we were growing up was "SFB". I still utter these three seemingly innocuous letters occasionally and am invariably met with a puzzled, "Huh?" from those around. Smiling to myself, pleased with my own little inside joke, I sing sweetly in a mock bird-like tone. "Never mind."

The Girl in the Office said...

Man, the memories have come flooding in. I can hear the "never mind" being said over and over in my head. I must make pudding stir stickers and affix them to the appropriate foreheads.

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

I've decided to make the 4-stir award permanent. So many people seem to need to be rewarded with this level of honor. As noted elsewhere, the 4-stir is to be awarded to a person, act or topic which rises to the level of a 4-star General of Stupid. That is all.